Yesterday I was asked how it is possible to have a relationship with someone and not build any attachment to them. I am guessing the actual question was. How do I prevent myself from getting hurt during a breakup. In the moment I did not give any response. I spent the next two hours laying in my bed contemplating the answer before I came up with an answer that I can accept. The honest truth is that you cannot have a relationship without getting attached. The clue for me was in the word “Relationship”, to relate. You have to have some form of attachment and understanding for someone in order to relate to who they are as a person and as a simple conciousness. Love is the biggest gamble in life, it is the cause of most emotional pain and most suicides happen due to a lack of love or an inability to deal with the impending end that love has.
I think the reason why we attempt to create these “non-attachment” relationship in order to simulate some kind of emotional health and safety protocol. We try to minimize the pain that love brings by telling ourselves a cosy lie at the start of the relationship. Of course the actual truth is that the only difference in a non-attachment relationships and love is that you hold yourself back out of fear. Love comes with an expiry date. It is a truth that every relationship has. Often this expiry date is more daunting if we believe we know when it will happen. The biggest flaw of humans in my eyes is our unending need to predict the future. To know what will happen before it happens in order for us to better prepare for it. Yet the truth is that whether you think you know the end date or not, the ultimate truth is that right now, in the very moment, the love is still very real and very alive. Instead of fearing what is nothing more than your imagination focusing on the fact that love right now is real. The emotion of love is currently present and very much alive in your reality. You have a choice in love, either live in your head, or participate.
Love in my eyes is the ultimate truth. It is the one emotion that will never lie to you. The emotion is so overwhelming that when you feel it you have no doubt what it is, it can only be love. It is the ultimate truth because it says the “small print” in big bold letters on the front page of the contract. If love was a contract it would say on the front in those big bold letters. “This will not last forever, deal with it and enjoy it every moment that it is love and not hurt”.
People take chances every single day, we have no day to day fear of death even though it could happen at any moment. Yet love, something that feels eternally happy, the only emotion that can make me feel complete, make me feel infinite has the same probability of ending at any moment, yet when the moment of love ends we do not enter a state of death, we are still very much alive. So why do we fear the end of love so much more than we fear our own mortality? Personally I think we fear it because the loss of love is the closet experience we can come to being consciously awake during death. I also believe that every “something” has an opposite, I am forced to believe that love is the furthest we can remove ourselves from the reality of death in any given moment.
My advice? Stop living in the future you are creating in your head, and start participating in the love that is alive in your moment right now, the love that you are missing out on simply by not being. Love ends, you cannot change it. But the truth is, you have no idea what so ever when it is going to be, so either way you look at it, you will never be ready for it. Just enjoy it for what it is and never ask it to be more than what it is.