Relationships Without Attachment

Yesterday I was asked how it is possible to have a relationship with someone and not build any attachment to them. I am guessing the actual question was. How do I prevent myself from getting hurt during a breakup. In the moment I did not give any response. I spent the next two hours laying in my bed contemplating the answer before I came up with an answer that I can accept. The honest truth is that you cannot have a relationship without getting attached. The clue for me was in the word “Relationship”, to relate. You have to have some form of attachment and understanding for someone in order to relate to who they are as a person and as a simple conciousness. Love is the biggest gamble in life, it is the cause of most emotional pain and most suicides happen due to a lack of love or an inability to deal with the impending end that love has.

I think the reason why we attempt to create these “non-attachment” relationship in order to simulate some kind of emotional health and safety protocol. We try to minimize the pain that love brings by telling ourselves a cosy lie at the start of the relationship. Of course the actual truth is that the only difference in a non-attachment relationships and love is that you hold yourself back out of fear. Love comes with an expiry date. It is a truth that every relationship has. Often this expiry date is more daunting if we believe we know when it will happen. The biggest flaw of humans in my eyes is our unending need to predict the future. To know what will happen before it happens in order for us to better prepare for it. Yet the truth is that whether you think you know the end date or not, the ultimate truth is that right now, in the very moment, the love is still very real and very alive. Instead of fearing what is nothing more than your imagination focusing on the fact that love right now is real. The emotion of love is currently present and very much alive in your reality. You have a choice in love, either live in your head, or participate.

Love in my eyes is the ultimate truth. It is the one emotion that will never lie to you. The emotion is so overwhelming that when you feel it you have no doubt what it is, it can only be love. It is the ultimate truth because it says the “small print” in big bold letters on the front page of the contract. If love was a contract it would say on the front in those big bold letters. “This will not last forever, deal with it and enjoy it every moment that it is love and not hurt”.

People take chances every single day, we have no day to day fear of death even though it could happen at any moment. Yet love, something that feels eternally happy, the only emotion that can make me feel complete, make me feel infinite has the same probability of ending at any moment, yet when the moment of love ends we do not enter a state of death, we are still very much alive. So why do we fear the end of love so much more than we fear our own mortality? Personally I think we fear it because the loss of love is the closet experience we can come to being consciously awake during death. I also believe that every “something” has an opposite, I am forced to believe that love is the furthest we can remove ourselves from the reality of death in any given moment.

My advice? Stop living in the future you are creating in your head, and start participating in the love that is alive in your moment right now, the love that you are missing out on simply by not being. Love ends, you cannot change it. But the truth is, you have no idea what so ever when it is going to be, so either way you look at it, you will never be ready for it. Just enjoy it for what it is and never ask it to be more than what it is.

The Book: The Introduction (TBC)

I have always been fascinated with philosophy. Philosophy is one of the most complex subjects to study, mainly because there is no right or wrong answer. Everything within philosophy is described as a theory or a belief.  There is no real way to prove philosophy. Philosophy is the study of existence. It brings with it the biggest question ever asked in humanity. Why are we here, and what is this thing I am calling here? Philosophy is also everything before and after that question. Oxford dictionary defines philosophy as a theory or attitude that acts as a guiding principle for behaviour. That would mean that everything I do is based on philosophy. It means that everything ever single person, organism, plant, animal, bacteria, all of these are governed by some form of philosophy. Philosophy to me is equally as important as the study of all sciences. Philosophy governs every action you take at any given time. There are many philosophical theories that currently exists. This book is a blank slate. This book is my Philosophy, it is how I live my life. It is me.

I have spent the last 2 years of my life de-constructing as many parts of my life as i could to figure out how it works. I am not talking about computers or other electrical gadgets. I de-constructed my mindsets, i wanted to understand why my thought process was what it was equally as much as I want to understand my current process. What I am going to do in this book is different. I am going to reconstruct my philosophy for you from the very beginning to the very end. This book is nothing more than how I am attempting to understand this thing we call life. Welcome to my reality. Someone of it you may not like, some may scare you and it is my hope that most of it will leave you in awe rather than confusion.

There are many different belief on how humans came to be. For the sake of this book I am going to keep it strictly my theory. I have always been drawn to the scientific theory of how life and the universe came to be. There are many theories in modern science that explain how the world works. However one thing most of us can agree on is the Big Bang Theory. This theory is the most credible in my eyes. The question is why did it happen. My theory on how it first came to be is based on energy. The energy that was created from the big bang has ever since spread its way through the universe expanding its boarders. This energy is then distributed evenly to create Photons, Protons, Electrons, Neurons, Higs-bonsons, Fermions, Quarks, etc. As this energy keeps working its way through the universe it began to find connections through random action. All of the entities that were created almost instantly after the Big Bang began to random bump into eachother until they found a random connection that make a new stable structure. In that case we will consider H (Hydrogen). Hydrogen is the first element on our periodic table of elements. There was an abundance of this element at the beginning of the universe. As soon a protons began to form, electrons quickly followed. After some time the new born universe was full of enormous gas clouds. As these clouds became more dense they began to form stars. These stars would have burned bright and died out within the first couple of billion years of the universe. In the core of these suns more connections were made. As these suns begin to die out they act as a furnace. This furnace is the factory of dense matter. This process is called Nuclear Fusion. Nuclear fusion is the process of one atom colliding with another to form a new atom. The sun will initially fuse 4 H (Hydrogen) atoms leaving 2 new hydrogen atoms and 1 He (Helium) atom. This continues to happen until the star starts to run out of lighter elements. At this point it will continue to fuse atoms together until they fuse Fe (Iron). The atomic structure of Iron requires 26 protons, 30 neutrons and 26 electrons. This accounts for Iron heavier weight than Helium which has an atomic structure of 2 protons, 2 neutrons and 2 electrons. This whole process of nuclear fusion was proven by Einstein with his famous formula E=mc2, which explains how matter can be transferred into energy and energy into matter.

Now let us jump forward proximately 9 billion years from the Big Bang. This is when our sun was first formed from a Supernova (An enormous explosion that occurs when the core of a sun dies) from a previously excising star. This explosion spread all the newly formed atoms throughout our solar system. Imagine now that our solar system is nothing more than a dust and gas cloud, in the centre of this gas cloud a new sun starts to form. It pulls in all the light elements such as hydrogen to create a new star. This star is what we today call the sun. The remainder of the dusty chaos of which the must abundant element was Silicon (SI). Silicon is the most common element in rocks and sand. From this we can derive that the vast majority of the dust remaining after new star, now known as the sun, formed and began to release energy again. Becuse of the gravitational pull of the sun (Gravity being the forces between two masses that cause them to move towards each other) dust rings began to from in our solar system just as they do today around the planet Saturn (the sixth planet in our solar system counting from the sun and outwards). These dust clouds were initially microscopic, however, due to electro magnetic energy stored in the electrons after they are released in the cataclysmic explosion of the previous sun, they begin to attract and collide with nearby grains of dust to form pebbles, then stones, then rocks, then boulders and then bigger and bigger until in the you have a planet almost the size of earth. As we know today, the earth has its own gravitational pull. It is what stops all of us from just floating into space. This gravitational pull sucks all the dust and rocks onto the surface of the planet. Earth in its early days was nothing more than a floating ball of molten rock. As the rocks in space grew to the size of small countries they began to slam into the surface heating the planet to its molten state. This theory helps to explain the solid metal sphere that lays at the core of our planet. This sphere is mainly made up of Iron. Around that there is the mantle which is a 2,900 km (1,802 miles) deep layer of molten rock. Finally there is the crust of the Earth which is 10 km (6 miles) deep and accounts for less than 1% of Earths volume. These layers did not happen by chance. The molten planet that was the infant earth was so hot that the whole planet was liquid. This meant that all heavier element would sink to the core of the gravitational pull. This is why we have our solid metal core. During this process a rouge planet collided with earth, however it was not a direct hit. It collided with an edge ripping a third of the planets volume back into space while the colliding planet exploded into a dust storm of rocks varying in size from a grain of sand to country size comets. The majority of this cloud began to orbit the now deformed Earth. The collision heated the planet to its molten state and as before the liquid rock, the gravitational pull of the core and the rotation of the planet moulded the planet back into its original spherical state.



To Inspire Awe In Ones Self

It is my personal belief that the ability to inspire awe in one self in any given moment is a true demonstration of overall social stability. The stability of happiness vs sadness or in its most pragmatic state of life vs death. It is to me that happiness is the ability to elevate yourself farther and farther away from death. The happier you are the less you are dead. To inspire awe in yourself is to take control of you own personal happiness level in any given moment by inspiring yourself to see and be apart of the moment and see the awe that it is what it is.

I first discover the true power of this ability when I inspired so much awe in myself that I began to laugh with overwhelming awe. I was looking at my girlfriend. She was sleeping on the bed while i was listening to music (typical late Thursday night). At first I was just looking at her as if it was any other moment. However, as i keep looking at her I begin to notice the subtle details, the curves of her body, the vibrant colours of her hair, the way her hair falls. how peaceful she looks. As I keep looking at her i begin to notice the parts of the moment that are not visible, such as the fact that she is my girlfriend. Taking that further I see that we call the concept of two people a partnership, even more so we call it life partners. As i hear that it immediately brings up a library of recent moments I have shared with her and I see how in those moments I truly would consider her a partner in life, or at least a partner in that moment. I can see how she directly affects my decision making in the moment. I take her best interests into consideration at all times. I consider her to be more than me and would there fore rather but my self in a negative pathway to allow her the positive one. This all sounds very romanticized, in reality it means that if we went to the shops i would carry home the shopping to spare her the burden. This I would believe is very real in most relationships on different levels. But in that moment when I look at her and see her for not only the beautiful physical thing she is, I also invision the reality of her being my partner in this moment. A life partner.

All of this is just the beginning. I quickly realise the beauty in the mathematical chance that me and her beat the odds over and over just to get to the point where we had the opportunity to meet let alone beat the odds again to have the chemistry and opportunity to fall in love. Yet somehow through all the chaos of life here I am sat in this room just looking at what life gave me instead of wishing it was more than the awe inspiring reality it actually is.

It is the ability to inspire awe in ones self in any moment that yields the truest of happiness.