Fear

Question my notion of fear was not something I thought I would be doing. For many years now I simply accepted that fear is protecting me from danger. I think most people will agree with that definition of fear. It was my questioning of what fear is that really sent me down the rabbit hole. I want to take you through the journey I took at its principles. My first challenge was to question fear itself. Where was it coming from, what was it and what was the benefit of it. Will Smith’s character in After Earth hits the nail on the head, “Fear is a figment of your imagination”. I realised that fear was not real. Danger in the reality of now was very real but the fear of it was never real. Fear prevents the action you are going to take in the future. For example, the real reason I look before I cross the road is because I feel fear for the idea that a car might hit me. However that is only one possible ending of many, if I crossed the road without checking for cars first. The likelihood of a car being in exactly the same spot that I will be in without finding the impulse to break is unlikely. So is the fear required? The fear is only present if you do not acknowledge the reality. The cars are both there and not there until I look to confirm. However, if I cross the road after I have acknowledge the reality then I will not feel fear because I have registered there are no cars to fear. My conclusion to this is that fear is only real if I do not acknowledge danger, once I acknowledge that danger exists then I need to accept that fear exists. I decide how I wish to interact with that fear.

Fear is always a future concept. I have realised that fear is never based on what is happening its based on one out of an almost infinite outcomes that could happen. The fear I feel for losing the one I love is not a part of reality. Everybody dies and I can choose to place my focus to how I will deal with it when they do. But the reality is that the person is still alive as I am thinking it. The future of death is there whether I like it or not, it will be my reality one day. I use the notion of death because if I climb the ladder of fear I will end up at death. Death is fear. I ask myself “why am I afraid?”, it does not matter what I fear. If I keep asking “but why do I fear that” and when the next answer comes I ask myself the same question. Eventually I find myself saying. “I am afraid because I could die”. But right now that danger is not present. In the moment that I fear it, it is not happening. It is just a figment of my imagination, an imagination of what the future holds. When I realise that the fear I feel is not happening right now, I step away from my fear and return to the now. because what I am scared of is just my own idea of the future. So I enjoy the fact that the danger isn’t present. I will deal with it when it comes, because no plan will ever work the first time anyway.

All we can do is prepare ourselves. Accept that the future is coming and it will bring with it the unknown. All I can do is accept that what will happen will happen. All I can do is point my moral compass and go.

 

Love

Love. I has been the biggest mystery in my life. I have come to understand that love is always new, it will always be different. We all talk about the love we have already experienced, and we talk about imaginations of what we want love to be. It seems to me that very few of us sit down to appreciate love for what it is in the moment. This mindset of creating magical romantic moments to always demonstrate love through action. I think my perception of love was that of desire and passion for what the future held. In the moment I always neglected seeing what was right in front of me. My future is my imagination and the past is a story I tell myself. However, the moment is honesty, its truth, the moment is what it is, it cannot be any different from what it is. That tell me that I should remove all stereotypes and perceptions of what love is or what it should be. The honest truth of love lies in the moment. The real question is, am I allowing love to show me what it is or am I trying to tell love what it is? I feel that in my past I have been telling love what it should be, that in turn has caused me to tell the person I was in love with what love is. If I am telling someone what love is then I am not allowing them to show me what love is. My conclusion is that I have never allowed love to simply be what it is, I have been too busy trying to alter it to fit my imagination of love.

I talked previously about the Freedom in Choice. The choices we make determine the direction we take in life. I am my own guide. I am both the Teacher and the Student. I believe that by allowing love to just be what it is, and allowing it to grow as it will, I will find more love in my life. I want to explain that when i talk of love i talk of happiness, the love that is in all. If I allow them to be them, to be the love that they have inside then their love will be allowed to be projected more clearly for what it is, not what my imagination believes it should be. Allowing myself to see love for what it is, and simply trying to identify it. If I can simply allow love to be regardless of its form or perception, then I can find piece in what I have made a war against love, for love. Choices is whether you want to be a part of what is going on around you now or if you want to find something else that could make you happier than what you are in the moment.

Allowing love to be what it is in the moment and accepting it for what it is, is love itself.

Choice is Freedom

I feel like writing again. I use that as my opening line because that is the subject of this post. Not writing, more doing what you feel like you want to do. In my life for a long time, when I say a long time I mean for about 25 years I have always done what others felt was best for me. I sculptured myself on the principles of the social groups I was interacting with. I doubt I am the only person that does this. I am sure we all know that one person that can just get on with any kind of subcultural group (Party Animals, VIPs, Rockers, Hippies, etc). They have a natural ability to open their own perspective and accept that other people are just different. That their view point on how the world is and how it should be is simply different from your own.

When it comes to disagreement on any subject and regardless of the energy level of the disagreement (From a passionate discussion to a punch in the face). It all comes down to two conciousness’ (People) having a different opinion of what is going on in the present now and what should be going on. You can break this down in the form of someone taking your pen, while in your reality you need the pen for a current task that is happening in your “now”. When the person taking the pen disrupts the current flow of your “now”, you will instinctively try to restore flow in your now. You ask for the pen back while the thief explains he just need to write down a phone number. Critical point. There is a choice here. accept that you have two different perspectives of the “now” and allow him to finish the necessity in his “now” or do you only see it from your perspective and demand the pen back in order to restore your flow? Let us try to imagine two scenarios of each perspective, the acceptance and the self determined.

First we will look at the self determined. As he reacts to retrieve the pen he will be demonstrating to the pen snatcher that he desperately requires the pen in his now. Most likely the snatcher will give it back and question why borrowing a pen for a proximately 30 seconds was such a big deal. This could lead to a dislike between the two people. The self determined person could however show acceptance and allow the snatcher to have the pen for the time he requires before returning the pen. This could lead to a positive connection between the two people and potentially lead to a friendship or help strengthen an already excising friendship. It is easy to see which answer is the correct answer right? or is it? In my opinion there is no right or wrong answer. What happens is simply what happens. Every moment is the climactic ending of all previous moments. This ending is everlasting as every new millisecond brings an infinite amount of new passing moments. Things happen the way they do not because that is what they were meant to do, but because all the previous moments that have happened have had actions taken that lead to the moment you are in now. It could have been an almost infinite amount of other actions but it was not. It is never anything more than what it is. This is why there is no right or wrong answer to the previous question. In each persons perception of the reality they are in, they will both have to decide whether the situations live up to their moral and ethical values in life.

However, just like any other system in nature, there is a best potential outcome for the system of life. In the above example I would say it was the latter. The outcome that allows for the best energy to flow in the moment. For me that is the positive social energy of love (fear being negative energy). The love we see in the second out come is that of sharing, helping another person through this chaotic thing we call life. When you consider all of the information your brain has to store and process at any given moment, the fact that you need a pen, someone has one, and you can’t borrow it would only add to all the thing that individual has to already do. In that moment you not only aid them in the chaos, and you get to relax for the 30 seconds they write what they need to write. In those 30 seconds we get to sit back and be aware of the moment that person is in while positive energy is flowing. This moment would most likely end with a smile, a thank you and a farewell. The first outcome happened in my eyes due to fear. Not allowing a person to borrow a pen would most likely be created from the emotion of fear. This could be the fear of the pen not returning, forgetting the important and mind blowing sentence you were about to write or any other excuse you can conjurer up based on negative energy.It would be impossible for a human to live a full life and have every action he takes be on that benefits every person without having any negative feedback from anyone. This is because we all have that individual idea of what is going on and what should be going on.

Awareness for me is the key. In the moments where the clash between two peoples opinions happens, I focus myself on the moment. Reaching the point of highest potential awareness in any given situation will slow the moment down. It will allow you to process the situation more in the moment rather than linger after the event has passed. If you focus your awareness on the now you will be able to see the choice you have. Because you do have choice. In every single action you take you have choice. However, most of the choices we make we leave up to instincts. If the person who had the pen allowed himself to be fully aware in the situation of the merciless pen snatcher he would be able to quickly see one of the many potential positive outcomes.

If you allow yourself to be aware in a moment, you will truly take it in. Choice is your freedom. We cannot choose how we feel or are. All we can choice is how we deal with it. Therefore I wanted to write. So I did.

I want to remind you that what I write is not fact, it is an idea. We do not have the technology now and we might never have to find a measurable answer to everything. What I write is my ever growing moral and ethical perception of reality. This is how i guide myself to live the most positive life I can for me.

 

The Reason I Started this Blog for Me

There are quite a few reasons for me starting this blog. I am writing this to give you an introduction into me, who I am and what brought me to a point where I was so low that I did nothing but study Psychology, Sociology, Anthropology, Zoology and Physics just so I could figure out my failures in life. More specifically my love life.

Before I can give you any idea of why I now am the way I currently am, I would have to give you a brief insight into my past. After all, it is our perception of our past that determine how we define our now. Deep right? I should probably take this opportunity to explain that this blog is all about the deeper sides of life, if this kind of deep self discovery is not for you then I do not blame you, it can be easy to get lost in it. But if you are then sit tight, this could either be interesting or irritating for you to read. It all depends on your perception.

So what in my life happened that was so impacting that it made me want to write a blog and share it with the fine people of the interweb? Well, just like every other sad sap, it was a woman. Now, now, wait a second you do not have to worry about the sad rantings of a broken man. That blog was written almost two years ago now, I am not even kidding you. No, this blog is the light at the end of the tunnel. This is the journal of what I learnt. Of course this whole blog is not me sulking over how terrible a person I was, which I was not, I did my best. I just had to accept that I had not done enough to keep her. Acceptance is something I will talk about allot.

When we first broke up I honestly was a broken man. There was no party with the lads to welcome me back into the single life, there was just the thought that I had to do everything I could to save the relationship. It started with her moving out of the house. That was the day I realised I had to do everything I could to save the relationship. Knowing that you need to do everything you can is very different from actually knowing what to do. But I am sure I thought I was a bit of a know it all and my realisation was that she was in the wrong. I mean, she broke up with me, she made the choice to end it right? Well, maybe 50%/50% right. For me it is important to see a different perspective. Not just for how you see the situation, but from the perspective of everyone involve in the situation. That is the main point of this blog, The Perceptions Of Reality. So lets take this concept and apply it to my ex-fiancée ending our relationship.

Let us first ask the question of why. Why did she leave? allot of people deflect the idea that it is their fault, I know I did. I was not ready to be told that the relationship I lived for was not meant to be. She left because I did not make her happy. That would be the simplest answer, but of course it is just one possibility of many, but I am picking the one that makes most sense in the scenario. Of course she could have left me because she was with another guy. However due to the circumstances of the situation i believe that was very unlikely.  This brings us to the next question, “why was she not happy with me?” Well, this leads back over a period of a year before she decided to move out. Arguments, endless arguments, most of the time about things that were going on around us not about what was happening between me and her. After she moved we still worked on the relationship for about 3 months before she finally ended it. What I am about to tell you is my biggest fuck up in life. She went on holiday with a friend. We had be arguing before she left and the only thing in my mind was that I was going to lose her to some exotic guy. So I made a pact with her not to get with anyone even with our situation being a questionable as it was. She stayed true to the pack….. I did not, and she found out. The most horrible thing about this situation was that I (at the time) just justified my actions as “Well i am sure you slept with someone too”. Now remember, I said above that i was always trying my best. For you to understand what I mean you need to take your first look into Perceptionism.

It was two months after she had come home one day and told me she was moving out. I think it is safe to say I did not deal with that news too well. I was never physically abusive. But I am sure that the things I said to her during these heated arguments were emotionally abusive. I was of course never my intention to be abusive in any way it goes completely against who I am as a person. But there is one thing that I know now that I did not know then. I hope what I am about to say will blow your mind as much as it did mine when my best mate Adam said this sentence during one of our many conversations on this subject. “Word are empty vessels.” Now some of you may be sat there thinking, what the hell does that mean? It means that the words you say have zero meaning when they leave you mouth, they only have their established meaning to you in your head. Once the word leaves you mouth it is just an empty vessel. We all implement our own meaning onto words. We all often have that moment when we say, “No you misunderstood what I meant”. when you then explain it to them they say “mate that is not what you said.” You see, regardless of what a person is saying verbally, the actual communication is the meaning. Perceptionism allows you to step out side the conversation and allows you to take a look at the environment you are in. From there it allows you to have a more opening minded view on other peoples perception of reality. You may be thinking now, well you were still abusive. Yes I was, regardless of whether or not i meant too, i did.

It is important to understand that we always do what we think is best in any given moment. What the action is all depends on the emotions we are feeling in that moment. It also depends on the Environment you are in. When I broke our pact I was not drunk, i was not angry, I was happy. After a year of arguments with the woman I loved more than anything, a year of constant doubt whether she even wanted to be with me, I failed. The woman i broke the pact with wanted me. It was such a nice feeling to have, it was a little twinkle of happiness in a world of chaos. Did i regret it as soon as it was over. of course i did. I had failed the woman i loved. I am sorry for hurting her, but i am not sorry for needing a moment of happiness. Anyone reading this will have their own perception of whether i am a good person or not. To that i say, there are no good people are bad people, there are just actions taken in moments. Some are of weakness, some of strength, some of greed and some of happiness. When it really comes down to it is all about choice. I was emotionally weak and i made the wrong choice. I can either blame that choice on others which is not  my style. Or i can own my mistakes, accept my failures and learn from them.

It sucked even to write that story down. So why did i? why did i just tell the world my most despicable moment? Because I want to be free. I want to live without the past lingering over me. I am telling you because I want to live openly. Perceptions of Reality for me, is the ability to live openly and freely while allowing others to do the same. It is the ability to live for the now.

I could spend the rest of my life wishing I had realised this philosophy before it all ended with her. But I did not learn it, I did not save the relationship. While all of this was going on, I had exactly fuck all idea about what I was doing. This relationship ended two years ago. In those two year I have done nothing but learn, I learnt about love, emotions and life. After a long time of learning I finally managed to find a way of living that removes hate, arguing, prejudice and other forms of racism. I realised that love is not an institution, its a completely different way of living your “Now”. Emotions are you compass in life, they will basically tell you if everything around you is good or bad. I am not sure about you but I prefer being happy to being sad.

Perceptions of reality freed me. After two years of pain, I am ready to take another shot at love.